I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
