i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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