Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
