OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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