well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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