That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
