Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
