just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
