So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So many bounce houses so little time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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