Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
