they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
