I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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