Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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