That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
