I'm going to jail i love you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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