What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
