note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
