I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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