his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
