what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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