Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
