so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
