I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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