Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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