is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
