Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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