Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
