Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
