Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
