dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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