How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
