Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
