There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
