Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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