I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
