I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
