theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
