I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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