It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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