you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she told me i tasted like america
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
