Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My balls are so social today.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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