I've blown a few things in my day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
