Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
