We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want to make out with him forever
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
