is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
