you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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