it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dignity is for republicans.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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