So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
