ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
