i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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