I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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