I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
