i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
