I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
