Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
