You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
