I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
