3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
