he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
