a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
