Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
