there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
