You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
