She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ttyl tear gas
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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