dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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