I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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