So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
