ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
