super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
