I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
