Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
