I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
